Bible Verse

Beg as loud as you can for good common sense. Proverbs 2:3

Friday, January 16, 2015

Dr. Who?

I was minding my own business, fast asleep in my bed in the Condo-Camper, when I woke up and realized it was hotter than Hades in there, and I was sweating to beat the band.

Now, before you pin all of that on my hormonal lifestyle, there’s something you ought to know:  I went to an endocrinologist who declared me free of any hormonal imbalance, vitamin deficiency or anything else abnormal.  In other words, I’m normal.  His words, not mine.  So I don’t know why I get hot, have mood swings, gain extremely unwanted weight and/or lose my hair.

As I lay there sweating, I remembered the above declaration by my fancy specialist doctor.  If I had had his home phone number, I would have called him to report an emergency hot flash and ask for an emergency hormone level.

Luckily, instead of dreaming of harassing my doctor, I remembered I have a small fan in my bedroom.  It’s just a cheap, plastic fan with two speeds, but boy howdy, it sure helps when I need it.

I switched it on.  Nothing happened.  In case you missed that:  NOTHING HAPPENED.
In my non-hormonal state of hot flashes, I now added mood swings.  In other words, my mood suddenly and violently swung to a very dark, sweaty place.

Because of our crazy sleep problems, David and I haven’t shared a bed in years.  We don’t want to wake the other while we’re prowling around, so we haven’t even shared a bedroom in years.  We individually try to get through the night as best we can. 

So David is sound asleep on the pull-out sofa in the living area of our 32-foot camper.  I’m “upstairs” (two steps) in the bedroom.  There are no walls between us.  The air conditioner is not on, so it is very quiet.  I don’t want to wake David and ruin a good night’s sleep for him, so I decide I’ll figure this out myself.

I started by turning the light on that’s just above my head.  The fan just sat there, staring at me, mocking my incompetence.  I stared back.  I was going to win this battle.  I mean, how hard can it be to get a fan to work properly?
Being married to a maintenance man for 44 years has taught me a few things. I know the first thing David would say would be, “Did you check the plug?”

Easy peasy, right?  Ha ha. 

I’m on one side of a queen sized bed that has been stuffed into the over-the-truck part of a 5th wheel camper.  There is a tiny bedside table on one side, which is not the side I sleep on.  But that’s where the wall receptacle is.  And I have a multi-plug thingy plugged in there, and then, plugged into that, I have 2 strips that have extremely important things plugged in, such as the boom box for my iPod, my phone, my Kindle, a small vacuum cleaner, and my computer.
Some of these plug thingies have little lights that are on when the thing is working.  As I continued my investigation, I noticed that those lights were not on.  The only way to get to that wall receptacle to check it out was to scoot along the wall in the tiny space between the bed and the wall, or crawl across the bed.

Ah, yes, the bed.  Since only one side is used for sleeping, the other side holds very important things, such as all that stuff listed above that is supposed to be charging, a tray holding essentials such as Kleenex, the TV remote and a few books, and tote bags with other important items like magazines and newspapers I need to read eventually. It’s pretty well covered and I would not be able to quietly unload it. Plus, I can’t kneel or crawl on my right knee because it is very painful since my knee replacement way back in December 2012.

So that left scooting between the bed and the wall.  Ah, yes, the bed and the wall.  You’d think it was wasted space because it’s so small, but we have found that it is one of the most convenient places to store things. Stuff like my computer case, which is as big as a piece of luggage, and the small vacuum cleaner. And a tote bag or two that has slipped off the bed.

Still sweating and muttering a few choice words, I pulled the computer case out which made the small vacuum cleaner noisily slide down the wall and onto the top of my head.  My choice words were getting a more choice.

By now, I’m sweating enough for an entire football team but I finally make my way to the receptacle.  The first thing I did was identify where the fan was plugged in.  Standing kind of sideways and bent over, I gently pulled one of the cords and managed to knock the fan over.

As I said before, this is a cheap, plastic fan.  As it clattered down to the tray, it sounded like marbles being thrown into an old washtub.  I froze and listened.  David was still asleep!

I pulled the multiplug out, looked at it, and put it back into the wall receptacle.  Nothing!  Why won’t that work?

Aha! I had a great idea.  I would plug the fan into the wall receptacle that I had just remembered was under my side of the bed.   I knew that one worked because I use it for my heating pad.

Again, trying to be quiet, I slowly unplugged the fan from the strip thingy, which yanked on the cord which noisily pulled the fan over on the tray.  This time it sounded like throwing tin cans down metal steps.

I froze again – David was still asleep!  I backed out of the spot between the bed and the wall and slowly made my way around the foot of the bed while untangling the cord from the rest of the mess.

When I finally got the plug to the outlet under the bed, I couldn’t see where to plug it in because it’s pitch dark down there.  Even with the heating pad plug to guide me, I still couldn’t get it plugged in.

I finally used the flashlight app on my phone.  I triumphantly plugged the fan in. Nothing happened.  In case you missed that:  NOTHING HAPPENED.  I couldn’t believe it!  I knew that plug worked.  I turned the heating pad on to prove it.  Except the light didn’t come on.  This plug wasn’t working either.

Why in the world would these outlets suddenly be out of commission?  As I started contemplating this profound question, I heard two beeps from somewhere followed by the air conditioner and all aforementioned lights turning on.

The power had been off.  But why were some lights working and some not?  I did not have the energy to think any more profound thoughts.  I plugged the fan into the outlet next to the heating pad, got back into bed and surprisingly went right back to sleep.

As I was telling this to David the next day, he started smiling early in the story.  It seems that some of the lights run on 120 amps while other things, like the air conditioner and some of the outlets, run on 150 amps.  He started to explain the difference, but I stopped him.  I don’t want that information.  You know what I want, don’t you, my favorite reader?  I want a certain doctor’s home phone number, just in case I experience a sudden loss of amps again.

Beg As Loud As You Can For Good Common Sense
Proverbs 2:3


  1. Now this is YOU!! I can picture it all. Hysterical! And you're getting good at longer. Yay!!

    1. Thanks! It didn't seem that funny at the time...

  2. I've had similar experiences with the power strip being off, when neither Jack or I had touched it. Since we don't believe in ghosties, we are pretty sure the dog got rambunctious. My little bedside fan has recently bit the dust(a conspiracy?) I now have a bigger fan, whose white noise harmonizes with my C-pap!
    Delighted to hear from you Carol! Gentle hugs to David!

    1. I gotta have my fan! And I can't let technology get in the way. Thanks for commenting and for sharing me on Twitter. I appreciate you, Cyn! Hi to Jack!

  3. Hilarious, Carol! I love your stories! :-)