Bible Verse

Beg as loud as you can for good common sense. Proverbs 2:3

Friday, December 13, 2013

What's the Deal With My Hair?

For years, the only thing on my body that would cooperate was my hair. 

Alas and alack, the expiration date on that has passed.

For years (like 5 decades) my hair did the only thing it knew how to do.  It just happened to look pretty good while doing it.
My hair was very thick and dark brown when I was a kid.  I actually noticed some grey in it when I was around 12, and I was completely grey at 38.

While the grey was coming in, people thought it was frosted (which was very popular back then).  Strange women would ask me who frosted my hair, thinking I had had it done in a salon somewhere.  I would always smile and say, “Mother Nature.”
I guess I was a little too smug about that, because now my hair is thin and won’t do much of what I want it to do. 

I had kept it pretty short for all those years, so I had no idea that when I grew it out, most of the hair on the right side would stick out at a 90-degree angle from my head.  And any attempt to fix that resulted in a look that I can only describe as a strong resemblance to a used Brillo pad.
The rest of my head just looked like a scrawny, dirty mop.

I started noticing the thinning of my hair a couple of years ago.  I love actress Judi Dench’s hair, so I went for that look for awhile.  It was super short and looked pretty good.  Unfortunately, you could see my scalp all over my head!  Not the look I was going for (sorry, Judy).
But now that it’s longer, I find I can do different things with it that I couldn’t do before.  For example, my natural part has always been on the left.  Now my natural part has fled the scene entirely, so apparently it’s up to me to decide. 

So, because I was particularly lacking hair on the left side and had 90-degree-angle hair on the right side, I parted my hair sort of right of middle and flipped it over to the slim side -- the female version of a comb-over.
And I guess I can forget about having a straight part.  It’s a different road every time.  Looks like a Google map gone terribly wrong.

I asked the lady who cuts my hair what advice she might have for me.  She said, “I’ll tell you what worked for a customer of mine, but you’ll think it’s crazy when you hear it.”
I replied, “My husband puts Vicks Vapor Rub on the soles of his feet, then sleeps in his socks in order to clear his sinuses.  I doubt anything you suggest would sound crazy to me.”

Turns out, her customer has had gastric by-pass surgery and was taking chewable vitamins.  Her doctor said that pills sometimes don’t dissolve correctly so anything chewable was better.
Unknown to my hairdresser, I had gastric by-pass 10 years ago (please, no comments like, “Really? I hadn’t noticed.”).  At that time, my doctor suggested taking 2 multivitamins a day instead of the usual one.  Adult chewable vitamins weren’t available yet.  So, since I hadn’t received an update, all this time I’ve been a good girl and have taken 2 a day.

Within 24 hours of that haircut, I was chewing away at those vitamins.  They have the consistency of a rubber band, but I keep chewing away on them, encouraging them to fix my hair quickly. 
I’ll probably know if they are going to help after I’ve taken them for a month.  That would put it near Christmas.

So, all I want for Christmas is my hair to be thick again.  Or the sudden knowledge on what to do with it now.  Or a cruise around the Hawaiian Islands.  Or a professionally landscaped yard. 
Well, you can’t blame a girl for trying..


8 comments:

  1. Love it Carol! Especially since I wake up with stuck-my-finger-in-the-socket look, due to my C-PAP mask....oddly the 90degree right side also...

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  2. I think it looks good enough to be on TV!

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    1. Fortunately, if you blinked, you missed it!

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  3. you did great. mine turned gray and turned loose. lu davy

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  4. I can always count on you for a laugh! (This time I'm not in the bathroom at 2 in the morning!)

    Linda

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    1. I can't tell you how many times I have laughed out loud picturing you in the bathroom trying not to laugh at 2 AM! That's about the best compliment I've ever received...

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