Bible Verse

Beg as loud as you can for good common sense. Proverbs 2:3

Friday, December 6, 2013

What's the Deal with Gift Wrapping?

I cannot wrap a gift to save my soul.

Fortunately, God doesn’t require this for salvation.

I have never been able to wrap adequately.  Even back in Girl Scouts when we had to learn to gift wrap neatly and wonderfully, I failed miserably.  I remember our leader working with me one-on-one, telling me, showing me, and finally just doing it herself.  It was that bad.
And it hasn’t improved all that much in the 50 years since. 

I can’t explain this imperfection of mine.  I try, I really do.  When gift bags came out, I was so very grateful.  The tissue that you put in the bag has to be sticking out just right, and I usually can’t do that either, but that’s for another post entirely.
David’s mother could wrap like nobody’s business.  When she cut the paper, it was a joy to behold.  No veering off the straight line, no tearing, no miscalculations of how much paper was needed.  She’d just flip that paper onto the table and start cutting.  Perfect every time.

And the way she would patiently fold each corner, tuck in what needed to be tucked in, pull up the flap she just created, and tape straight across.  Beautiful!
Me, on the other hand – well, if you happen to get a gift from me, please excuse the wrapping.  I’m thinking of asking one or both of my 5-year-old grandchildren to wrap for me.  They would do a splendid job and if there were any obvious goof-ups, I could always blame it on them.

As it is now, I have only myself to blame.
I mentioned gift bags earlier.  Love them, love them!  But this year, I had some things that were very box-like, not something that would be hard to wrap.  I had quite a few and I knew getting the bags would be kind of expensive, and since I already had a lot of wrapping paper, I decided to wrap.

The horrors of wrapping appeared very quickly.
Now, you would think that a box-shaped gift would be easy.  Just measure – well, we’ll stop here for a moment.

For some reason, I can’t accurately measure how much paper I need.  I either cut a little too little or much more than I need.  And when I cut it down a little, I’ve cut too much and end up with too little.  Ack!
I love paper that has a good pattern on it.  On some of the wrapping paper, there were even handy-dandy lines to follow.  Unfortunately, I can’t cut straight.  Never could and, evidently, never will.

And taping – oh, my goodness!  It seems that every time I put a piece of tape down, the whole line of paper pops up at very inconvenient angles.  Of course, the only solution is to tape those angles down.  And there are always a lot of angles.
I’m telling you, sometimes there’s more tape than paper.  It’s embarrassing!

And for you people who delicately disassemble a wrapped gift, who very slowly and carefully pull off the tape so that you can neatly fold the wrapping paper – well, knock it off!  There’s only one thing worse than offering a horribly wrapped gift to someone, and that’s if they unwrap it in such a way as to show off my gift-wrapping-gone-wrong style.
I gave up sticking bows on gifts years ago when I had a cat that loved to munch on them.  Talk about awkward!  “Here is my gift to you and please excuse the bow because my cat tried to eat it.”  Unless you’re a hard-core cat person, I’m imagining that that would be a turn off.

And did you know that those bows have an expiration date?  It’s just my luck that they expire shortly after I put them under the tree.  Any movement whatsoever, and they let go and drop like leaves fluttering to earth in the fall.
So here are the conditions if you get a gift from me: 

v  Don’t look at the wrapping job, even the obvious stuff like no paper on one end.

v  Don’t undo the wrapping.

v  Just get on with it and rip the paper off.

Now that we’ve got the rules all straightened out, Merry Christmas!
And if you don’t like the gift, just pretend you do, and we’ll both be happy.

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