When I do use one, there’s always a problem with something.Take, for example, the door, either the main door if it’s a one-holer, or the door to the stall. It must close and lock. Main doors are the biggest problem because there are times that I can’t tell if it’s really locked or not. So I have to make the decision to assume it is locked and go ahead with my business or to start shoving the little table or potted plant or whatever else that’s movable in front of the door in case someone opens it (my biggest fear).
And the toilet tissue! They have hidden a humongous roll in a steel box with an opening on the bottom that is too far down to see. So while I’m fumbling around in there trying to find the end of the roll, I find that there’s also a serrated edge (presumably to cut the paper if I can ever get it off the roll). I find it because it has scratched the back of my hand while I’m desperately turning the big roll around and around.So trying to wrestle with this is very time-consuming and oftentimes absolutely futile.
I hate to drip dry, don’t you?If on the off chance that I do find the end of the roll and I can pull some toilet tissue out of the bottom of the steel box, bending low while I hold my breath and promise God just about anything for success, as soon as I tear off what I would consider a reasonable amount, the tissue suddenly and completely on its own folds in half long-ways, giving me a small ribbon-like length to call my own.
I don’t know about you, but that’s not going to be enough.So, of course, I try again, trying my best to dig around from the bottom of the steel box, thinking I may hit the jackpot with two successes on the same trip to the restroom.
Sadly, I am most likely wrong. I finally realize that the people I am with are probably wondering what I’m doing in there or I hear the announcement that the store is closing. Either way, I sigh, use what I’ve got to the best of my ability and then finish it off with a drip dry for a couple of minutes.And here’s another thing: I am opposed to self-flushing toilets. Every time one of those things goes off, it sounds like I’m stepping on the cat, which puts me dancing around trying to avoid the rest of the cat. I bounce around in there like a ping pong ball.
And those air hand dryers – whose idea was that? One restroom I was in had one that I swear had the power and air flow of a jet plane. I was sure that everyone within a square mile was aware that I was drying my hands.So, as I said, I try not to use public restrooms. Sometimes I’m surprised and everything is just right. But those are few and far between, and with my memory, I really don’t remember one at all.