Bible Verse

Beg as loud as you can for good common sense. Proverbs 2:3

Friday, November 1, 2013

Welcome to Our Office

Don’t you just hate all the paperwork when you go to a new doctor?  Six pages of stuff they want to know.  And why do I have to write my name and date of birth at the top of every page?  Don’t they have a stapler in that office?

They want me to list my surgeries.  They leave me 3 lines.  Hahahahahaha!
They want me to list my medications.  They leave me 4 lines.  Hahahahaha!  I took 4 medications just while I was filling the papers out!

And if I don’t have high blood pressure because my medication is working, do I count that as something I’ve got?  I never know how to handle that.
I have to sign my name in 6 places.  I have to print my name in the blanks 6 times.  I have to initial 7 times!  I didn’t sign and initial this many times when buying our house.

They had way too many rules.  They seem to be afraid of everything and are trying to prevent the next catastrophe (which, of course, is not going to work). 
I had to agree to not use foul or abusive language toward the office staff, but that’s okay because I’m saving it for the doctor. (Just kidding…)

I am asked to remember that there are no narcotics on the premises.  (Obviously, they have not checked my purse.)

There is an encouraging note to please be on time.  They point out that they are trying their very best to minimize my wait time.  How sweet of them!
However, it goes on to read, if I’m over 15 minutes late, they are not going to let me see my doctor.  They make up for that by offering to schedule me for another day. 

I need to remember this one, especially since I have waited hours (plural) with my folks in this same waiting room in the past. 
I am also told that if I miss 3 appointments without cancelling beforehand, they won’t ever let me see my doctor again.  Of course, if I’ve missed 3 appointments, I probably don’t want to come back, anyway. 

I am warned to not drive or operate any heavy machinery while taking any narcotic prescriptions the doc might give me.  (What is heavy machinery, anyway?  Doesn’t all machinery weigh, like, a ton?)
I get a refresher course on how writing a check will impact my checking account.  If the check is returned, they’ll dock my account by $30.  (Well, good luck.  Chances are if I didn’t have enough to cover my co-pay, I probably don’t have $30 either.)

They have some questions with little boxes to mark.  They want to know if my pain is sharp, dull, stabbing, throbbing, aching or burning. I checked 5 out of the 6 choices.  I mean, it just depends on what I’m doing at the time.
They want to know if squatting or kneeling make my symptoms worse.  I nearly snorted tea out my nose when I read that.  I haven’t squatted since 1999 and I gave up kneeling about 5 years ago.

Under Sports/Hobbies, I put that my hobby is sitting and anything I can do while sitting.  Might as well be upfront about it.
It says I’m also going to court if I don’t pay, according to what I signed, and I agreed to pay collection costs of 33 1/3% of the balance as well as attorney’s fees and/or court costs.  Hahahahahahha! 

I was the small claims clerk for my county for 13 years.  I can tell you that that threat isn’t much of one.  It’s very hard to collect money from a lawsuit. 
It’s my belief that the initial paperwork at a doctor’s office is merely a test to see how tenacious you are and how much you really want to see the doctor.

I must have passed because I got in.  I always get in.  I have good insurance…


  1. Love it Carol! Glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read it though...

    1. I'm glad you liked it -- and glad about the drinking thing, too.

  2. A weedeater isn't heavy but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't operate one while blitzed out of my mind on narcotics. Just sayin. Mark W.

    1. I hope this isn't personal experience that you're drawing from...

  3. you for got about P in that thimble, or you are going to put that where? cough now say ahh, or was that the other way?
    lu davy