David and I had been camping in a national forest in Kentucky last week. We didn’t particularly like the campground because of location and snakes and the location of snakes to my very own person.
The campground was 15 miles from civilization (Dollar General and Redbox in this case) at the end of a very windy, hilly road. Going 30 miles for movies and miscellaneous items that you don’t know you need until you see them, well that was just a little too far.
And, of course, the snakes. Silly me! I was afraid of bears! Snakes didn’t enter my mind. Until the park ranger said the copperheads were real bad this year. They were coming out at night to eat the cicadas as they emerged from the ground.
I was squirming around and making terrified noises while he was telling us all this. But the kicker was when he said: “Just shine a flashlight where you’re going to step and you’ll be fine.”
In what universe would I be fine? Not in this one, I can guarantee you that. If I saw a very long snake (and apparently all these copperheads were l-o-o-n-g), I would either have a stroke or break my neck trying to get away from the thing.
The park ranger said they come out at night, but what if there was one snake out of the whole bunch that was a confirmed non-conformist and decided to turn against all snakedom and come out during the day just to see what was going on? Huh? What would happen then?
It goes without saying that this sneaky snake would be drawn to our campsite by the anti-snake vibes I was creating in great quantities. He would be irresistibly (or maybe irresssisstibly) drawn to our camp site and would see me sitting outside in my beloved camper recliner. I would be nervously scanning the site for snakes. Our eyes would meet and – well, see Paragraph 6 above for further information.
Fortunately, there were no snake sightings before we left two days earlier than planned. The campsite was nice, but I must say that after a fellow camper told us that 87 copperheads had recently been found at a campsite just down the road, there was nothing in this world that would keep me there.
Not even a Dollar General with a Redbox…