Bible Verse

Beg as loud as you can for good common sense. Proverbs 2:3

Friday, July 26, 2013

Who Ya Gonna Call?


All through our marriage, David has made sure that I have a reliable car.  There are many reasons for that (my safety and that of our children, not being stranded somewhere on the side of the road), but mainly it was because whenever something happened to my car, I called David.  I didn’t really investigate what might be wrong with the thing, I just called David.

There were many reasons for that, but the biggest one was that no matter what I did when the car malfunctioned, I did it wrong.  So I didn’t call a wrecker or a service station, I just called David.

He would put me through a cross-examination that would do Perry Mason proud:

You said the car sounded “funny,” did you not?

Yes, I did.

And when you say “funny,” just exactly what do you mean?

Well, not quite right.  Sort of a squeak, I guess you could say.

Guess?  You guess?  Come now, Mrs. Weeks, do you expect me to be able to diagnose what the trouble is if you’re guessing?

Well, all right, it went like this “squeak, squeak.”

Was it a high “squeak, squeak” or a low “squeak, squeak”?

Hmmmm…  Well, I would say – I mean, it definitely was a medium “squeak, squawk.”

“Squawk”?  Did the car also “squawk”?

No, that was a typo.  Sorry.

This would continue until I was nearly in tears and he was about to explode.  Evidently, we did not hear or describe sounds in any sort of communicable way. 

I finally came up with a way to suggest there might be something wrong with the car that bypassed all the questioning.  I would drop hints here and there over several days until finally, without me directly saying a word, David would wander out to the car and check it out.

But by his making sure I had a reliable car and because of financial necessity, his car was always a wreck.  If it had not already been in a wreck when he bought it, it certainly looked like it had been recently.

One Pinto he owned was even worse than usual.  When David drove through a puddle, his feet would get wet! 

One morning, after working a 12-hour shift, David found that it refused to be put into drive.  So he drove home in reverse! 

I asked him which lane he got in – the one where he "looked" like he was going the right way but was actually going the wrong way, or the lane where he "looked" like he was going the wrong way but was actually going the right way.

Fortunately for him, the drive home was a short one and he didn’t encounter any law enforcement along the way.  What kind of ticket would that be?  Is there a law against driving in reverse if you’re in the right lane?  By “right” I mean the lane you’re supposed to be in… No, wait.  By “right” I  mean the lane you’re not supposed to be in...  No, that’s not right, either.

Well, I’ll just stick to the facts, ma’am.  And if you know what that references, you may be older than you think…
 
 

Friday, July 19, 2013

Let's Party!


As many of you know, I worked at the Circuit Clerk’s office for 13 years.  People would come to me to sue other people.  If the party of the first part (hereinafter known as  “plaintiff”) was suing the party of the second part (hereinafter known as “defendant”) for less than $3,000, the plaintiff could file it themselves without benefit of legal counsel.

A lot of suits were filed in what’s known as Small Claims Court.  Each plaintiff had a reason(s) for bringing suit against the defendant(s).

I generally handed a form to a potential plaintiff, briefly explained how to fill it out, and left them to it.

Legal forms are kind of intimidating, often in a language that would appear to be English and yet not making a whole lot of sense.  It’s confusing.
 
One day a potential plaintiff filled out her form and paid the filing fee, thus making her a real-life plaintiff.  I would usually just glance at the space reserved for giving the reason for the suit.  It’s important that that’s filled out, otherwise the defendant(s) doesn’t know why he’s getting sued.

I invariably heard the plaintiff’s story and how the defendant done them wrong.  I was always very busy and didn’t have time to listen to everybody’s story, but I heard enough of this one to know it had something to do with her truck.

Her reason for the suit:  “Damage to truck $3,000 and mintle angus.”

Mintle angus?  At first I thought maybe the truck had hit a cow.  Then I realized that what she was trying to say was “mental anguish.”
 

Alas and alack, she would not be awarded for anything mintle or mental because punitive damages are not allowed in Small Claims Court.

Fortunately, the plaintiff had left my window before I read her reasons for bringing suit.  It was LOL (formerly known as Laugh Out Loud) for the rest of the day!
 

Friday, July 12, 2013

Help! I’ve Been Marinated!

I had been sitting in my chair, dipping mozzarella cheese sticks into a little bowl of marinara sauce.  When I stood up, I thought the blanket was mostly in my chair, but turns out it was mostly not.  With the bowl in my hand, I turned to take a step, got mixed up in aforesaid blanket and suddenly found myself falling to the floor. 

It was like slow motion in a way.  I had several thoughts on the way down, one of which I will confess to but not share with you here.

David, my husband, has an extremely annoying habit of reacting very quickly when I fall.  I first noticed this about 15 years ago when I happened to fall down in a handicapped parking space in front of Huddle House.  I thought the concrete bumper thingy was in another location altogether, so I tripped on the thing and went down.

On the way down – not after I got there – I heard David say, “Carol!  Are you all right?”  I wanted to say, “I don’t know.  I haven’t finished falling yet,” but I was a little distracted at the time.

And why does he always immediately want to get me to my feet?  Back then, I couldn’t get up because I was laughing so hard.  So I sat there and laughed as David glowered above me, not thinking it funny at all.

Later, though, he stated that in his opinion, I should be handicapped before entering the handicapped area, not while I’m in it.  Ha ha.   

So back to my recent mishap.  As usual, as I was falling, I heard David holler from the kitchen, “Carol!  Are you all right?”  God help me (and I mean that literally) if I ever go down and can’t immediately assure him that I’m okay.

So I hollered, “Yes, yes, I’m okay,” not really knowing if I was or not.  I hit my head pretty hard on the closet door, and my arm hit another door with such force that the doorknob punched a perfect circle in the wall.

As I was trying to collect myself and see if I was bleeding anywhere, David came running into the room, and – you guessed it – wanted to pull me to my feet.  But I wasn’t ready to get up because my head felt a little funny, like a big ol’ bumblebee was buzzing around in there.

It was at that point that I saw the marinara sauce.  It had fanned out across the door into a perfect splatter pattern like on one of those NCI shows. It was also out in the hall, on the walls, on the carpet – what a mess!

I guess I should tell you at this point in the story that I had my right knee replaced seven months ago.  And, of course, I had just fallen on my right side.  So when I finally got up, with David’s help, I could feel something speaking to me from behind my right knee.

Uh-oh.  Don’t tell me I’ve messed up my knee.  And with David standing right there, I didn’t want to let on like something was wrong.  So I tried not to limp on the way back to my chair.

We were supposed to leave for our daughter’s house in about 30 minutes.  I had originally gotten up to take a quick shower.  So David told me to go on and take my shower and he’d clean up the mess.

My leg hurt like the dickens the rest of that day and most of the next.  Near as I can tell from WebMD, I pulled or strained or sprained a muscle behind my knee.  So I rested it and took ibuprofen on a pretty regular basis, so it’s a lot better.

But as I was sitting here thinking about all of this and how David always rushes to help, I realized that I needed to tell him something. 

So, calling him into the room, I said, “I appreciate the way you came to my rescue when I fell last week.  But, Honey, you missed a spot.”
 
 

Friday, July 5, 2013

Good-bye Damper Camper


Since 2009, we had owned a 24-foot Ameri-lite travel trailer (the kind you pull behind your vehicle). 
 
 
We called it the Damper Camper because every time we took her out, it would rain for at least part of our trip.  But we didn’t care – it was just great to be out in her, especially at our favorite campground, Honeycomb.

But things change (as they always do), and we began thinking about longer trips.  We had spent up to 10 days in the Damper Camper, happy as can be.  At least until Day 9 or 10. 

We had to face it:  The Damper Camper was not made for extended travel.  It would get pretty small by the end of the trip.

So we started hunting for a 5th wheel, the ones that hook into the bed of a pick-up truck.  We had always thought they were so much bigger than we would ever need.

Well, need wasn’t the only criteria.  We found that want was pretty far up the list.  Being practical people, we weren’t willing to go with want over need for an investment such as a camper.

We searched the internet, visited an rv show, wandered around rv lots.  We just couldn’t find what we wanted.

Until last week, when a huge blessing came our way:


It was amazing how quickly it happened!  Suddenly, we are the owners of a beautiful 5th wheel with just about every known option attached.

I don’t know what we did to deserve this, but I’m so grateful for it.  Because of David’s health, we can’t go real far.  But we can go far enough not to need or want a thing…